


Dreams Don't Last

by Aiwyn



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Also featuring a ship I don't want to reveal, Angst, Benjen Stark x Unknown Person, Drama, Half-Sibling Incest, Multi, Romance, Sibling Incest, Well more like cousin incest, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-02-11 11:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2065941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiwyn/pseuds/Aiwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about love, friendship and family.<br/>A story about promises and vows.<br/>A story about siblings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My first long ASOIAF fic. And I know I messed up with the ages, but this is AU. Let's not bitch about it. Once again, thanks for the beta'ing goes to my lovely friend.

_Promise me. Promise me. Promise me._

_  
_The words echoed in his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed the tears.

The sorrow was still there, too close to his heart. He knew the sorrow would always be there, like a frozen piece of metal that had sunken into his chest and pierced his heart. Only, it was frozen and therefore stopped the bleeding, and he lived on, his frozen heart pumping ice water through his veins.

The scream of a newborn pulled him out of his mind and he stood up, walking over to the cradle to look at the child. The boy was lying on his back, and stared at the man standing there.

”Hey, little one,” he whispered, brushing his thumb lightly over the child's cheek. Someone knocked on the door. He was granted a permission to come in.

  
”My lord,” the soldier said.

  
”Yes, Jory?” asked the man, turning to look at the soldier, who had brown hair and grey eyes.

  
”Lady Catelyn, sir. She wants to see you,” Jory Cassel said. Ned Stark nodded, watched the child close his eyes and then stepped away from the cradle.

  
”Stay here with the boy, Jory. Let nothing happen to him, and may the gods help you if you wake him up”, Ned said before leaving. Jory nodded and sat down to the chair. He looked at the bastard boy sleeping solemnly in the cradle. He looked more like a Stark than the other boy. The boy with blue eyes.

  
  


Catelyn was beyond furious.

Ned rode to war, leaving her to Winterfell. They had only been together for a fortnight when the call came. Robert Baratheon had started a rebellion against King Aerys. It had been more against Prince Rhaegar, really, for it had been Rhaegar who had taken Lyanna, but the war had been declared against the King.

Catelyn had followed the news from the war, nervous and afraid. She had been afraid that Ned might die. She had not yet found love towards the man, but she had known that Ned was her husband and Ned was the father of the child growing inside her.

So when she had heard the news that lord Eddard Stark was riding back North, she had been happy. She had been more than happy when Ned had embraced her, and kissed her, and told that he loved her and he had missed her. She had told the same thing, and then she had taken Ned to meet his son, his firstborn, his heir. They had decided that the boy's name would be Robb. It wasn't the name of a lord that had died long ago, but they both thought it was a good name.

And now, when Ned had been home for two days, Catelyn heard about the bastard. She was furious. Ned hadn't told her, she had heard from a servant. How could Ned do something like this?

”You lied to me!” Catelyn shouted when Ned opened the door.

  
”I never lied to you, Cat, ” Ned answered. His voice was tired, exhausted, but Catelyn didn't care.

  
”You swore an oath, remember? When you were married to me! Does this sound familiar? I thought that you loved me. I thought that the honorable lord Eddard Stark would keep his oaths. Clearly, I was wrong! How could you do it? How could you sleep with a whore when there was a war raging and you knew your wife was waiting for you back home?” she continued. Ned stepped closer, grabbing Catelyn's hand.

  
”Cat, listen to me. I swore an oath to you, and I will stay true to that oath. But the boy... I made a promise to a dying woman. I promised I would keep him safe, raise him as my own, treat him as equal to our son. If you hate me, hate me. If you can never forgive me, I understand. But whatever feelings you may have, do not blame the child. It is not his fault that he was born,” he explained. Catelyn frowned.

  
”Is the bastard yours?” she asked sharply, lookind Ned in the eye. Ned hesitated for a split second. _Promise me, Ned._

_  
_”Yes. He is my son, my blood, my family and you will treat him as such,” he said and kissed Catelyn's hand before leaving.


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About siblings and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First proper chapter!
> 
> I know things go a bit fast right now, but they slow down as we go further into the story. I suck at writing about kids but, I hope it's okay. Beta'ed by a friend, you're awesome.

~*~*~

Jon was three weeks younger than Robb, but sometimes it seemed like Jon was a whole year older. He learnt quickly that Catelyn didn't like him. He knew that he wasn't part of the family. He called Ned _father_ , but Catelyn was always _L_ _ady Stark,_ never _mother._ He tried once, though.

They were five, and it was a late summer afternoon.

Robb and Jon were playing outside, Ned was watching over the baby (Sansa was her name, she was two years old, and she too had red hair and blue eyes) and Catelyn was looking over Robb. Only Robb, not Jon. The bastard boy could be eaten by lions for all she cared. She wouldn't blink an eye. Catelyn walked across the yard to where the boys were playing. They both looked up at her; one pair of bright blue eyes and one pair of dark brown eyes.  
  
”Mother,” Robb said. Catelyn smiled at him, but Robb was looking at Jon now.  
  
”Mother?” Jon asked, staring up at Catelyn with those brown eyes. Stranger's eyes, for Ned had grey eyes. And she looked at him, a bastard who dared to call her mother. But when Catelyn didn't shout, a small smile found its way to Jon's lips. Robb was smiling too, he was smiling a wide, genuinely happy child's smile. Only Jon could make Robb smile like that. Maybe Jon was a brother to Robb, maybe he was a son to Ned, maybe he was a son to Catelyn... But no. She would not be called mother by some creature born of lust and betrayal. She looked coldly at Jon.  
  
”I am not your mother, Snow,” she hissed. Jon's face was a broken porcelain mask; white, beautiful and as sad as a child could be. Robb, however, looked more angry than sad. He took Jon's hand.  
  
”Come, brother,” he said and walked away, pulling Jon with him. Catelyn didn't feel guilty.

  
  


That taught Jon that he must never call Lady Stark _mother,_ and more importantly that Robb would always be at his side, stand up for him, comfort him. Be a brother. Catelyn noticed that too. She loved her children more than anything, but Jon Snow was not hers. Never would be.

Ned noticed it all. How Jon avoided Catelyn, how he never looked at her, how he flinced when she called for him. How Robb stayed close to Jon whenever Catelyn was near. And Catelyn hardly spoke to Jon, and when she did, they were cold words. Ned talked to Catelyn about it.

”He is my son. You shouldn't talk to him like that,” he said. Catelyn looked furious as she turned to look at Ned.  
  
”He is no son of mine. Never will be. Robb is our child, Sansa is our child. This is our child. Not that bastard boy,” she said, placing Ned's hands on her growing belly. She was five months pregnant with their third child. Third, not fourth.  
  
”Jon is as much my child as are Robb, Sansa and the baby,” Ned said. His tone was soft, and there was a hidden plea for forgiveness there. Catelyn pretended not to notice. She would never forgive. She loved Ned with all her heart, but she couldn't accept the bastard.

  
  


Their third child was a girl with dark hair and grey eyes. Her name was Arya.  
  
Jon liked her. He liked having siblings. It was almost like having a family of his own. Almost. And Arya liked Jon. She liked him more than Robb, it seemed. She cried often, and mostly at night. If she cried during the day, Jon often found himself holding the baby and silently telling a story to her. The sight of Jon seemed to calm her down. One night, when Arya started screaming, Jon was the first one to get there. He leaned her over her cradle and smiled at her.  
  
”Hello, little sister,” he whispered and carefully touched her cheek. She grabbed Jon's hand with her tiny hands and stopped screaming.  
  
”You like me, don't you?” Jon asked, still smiling. Arya focused on Jon's hand. She pulled it closer and put one of Jon's fingers in her mouth. Luckily for Jon, she didn't have any teeth yet.  
  
”I can't stay,” Jon whispered, taking his hand away from Arya. She was terribly silent for a moment before she opened her mouth again.  
  
”Oh no, no, no, don't cry...,” Jon begged, and took Arya from her cradle. He glanced around the room and saw a bed on the other side of the room. He decided it would be best to sit down before he dropped her.  
  
”You have to be quiet. Your mother would kill me if she saw me holding you,” Jon said as he sat down.  
  
Arya kept playing with his hand, clutching his fingers, twisting and turning and tasting. Jon smiled at her. Then he told her a story, a long story he had heard from Old Nan. But before he was even halfway through it, Arya fell asleep in his arms. Jon didn't want to move, for he certainly didn't want her to wake up again. He ever so carefully lied down, Arya lying next to him and solemnly sleeping. The bed was uncomfortable and too narrow, but he was tired and he couldn't leave Arya. After some time, Jon fell asleep as well.

  
  


Ned went to see Arya in the morning. The cradle was empty and the girl was lying next to Jon. Jon was asleep, but Arya wasn't. She was playing with Jon's black curls, tugging them with all the force a one and a half years old girl had. Ned smiled at the sight and kneeled next to the bed.  
  
”Jon...,” he called, but the boy didn't wake. Ned shook him awake.  
  
”Father?” Jon mumbled, still half asleep. He grimaced when he lifted his head, for Arya was still holding onto his hair.  
  
”Breakfast awaits,” Ned said. Jon jumped up, obviously realizing where he was. Ned took Arya, who let out a small cry when her toy was taken from her.  
  
”Go wake your brother,” Ned told Jon, who nodded and left quickly, almost tripping over a wooden toy someone had made for Robb nine years ago.  
  
  


Robb was waiting for him. He was sitting on his bed and glaring angrily at Jon.  
  
”Where were you?” Robb asked.  
  
”I... Arya woke me up and I went to her,” Jon answered, little confused at Robb's anger.  
  
”You'd rather spent time with a baby than me?” Robb continued. Jon blinked. He did not understand. Was Robb jealous? Why would he be jealous?  
  
”No! I love being with you, but you were asleep and Arya woke me up. But father told me to wake you and go for breakfast. I'll play with you all day, I promise,” Jon said. Robb's glare melted away and his lips twitched into a smile. He nodded to Jon and followed him out of the room.

  
  


They excused themselves from the table after breakfast and went outside. It had been raining all night, so the yard was covered in mud. There were a few deeper pools of mud, and the boys decided to chase each other around the yard. They laughed and shouted, running away and catching each other. Robb stopped to glance at Jon. The boy had been chasing him for a while, but Robb always managed to escape him. There was a pool of mud near Robb. And Jon, who wasn't looking where he was running, ran straight into Robb, making them both fall over.  
  
”Sorry?” Jon tried. He was lying on top of Robb, who was covered in mud pretty much from head to toes. Robb just grinned wildly and took a handful of mud. Jon retreated quickly and ducked, when Robb threw the mud. Instead of hitting Jon, Robb hit Jory, who was walking by.  
  
”Run,” Robb said to Jon, who didn't hesitate a second before obeying. Jory wiped the mud from his face and smiled before running after the boys. He caught Jon at the stables, but Robb escaped.  
  
”It was Robb, not me!” Jon complained as Jory grabbed him by the collar.  
  
”I know that, lad. Robb! I have a hostage,” Jory shouted. Robb peaked from behind a wall and made a face at Jory. Jory grinned back.  
  
”Robb, save me,” Jon said, a smile on his lips. Robb smiled to him, but he didn't move at all.  
  
”Aren't you going to save me?” Jon asked, putting on a fake, pouting look. Then he felt Jory flinch and let go.  
  
”Are you bullying my nephews, Cassel?” asked a low voice near Jory's ear. Jory smiled.  
  
”I'm not bullying anyone, I'm taking hostages, Stark,” he replied. Benjen laughed a little and pulled away from Jory. Robb was grinning at his uncle, who he had obviously seen approaching Jory from behind. But Jon was staring at them, observing how they gravitated towards each other. Benjen hugging Jory from behind was a bit odd. They saw each other on a daily basis.  
  
”Go clean yourselves. I'll teach you how to swing a sword,” Benjen said. Jon and Robb obeyed, a bit reluctantly knowing that the servants would preech them about muddy clothes and now they should play nicely and not fool around.

Once they were gone, Benjen turned to Jory.  
  
”Jon knows,” Benjen said. Jory nodded, his eyes flickering away from Benjen to where Jon and Robb went.  
  
”And how does he know?” Jory asked.  
  
”He saw. He's not blind. Robb wasn't focusing, but Jon was. He has keen eyes,” Benjen replied.   
  
Jory wasn't concentrating on Benjen anymore. His mind trailed back to that day almost ten years ago. He had been with Lord Stark as he had found his sister.   
  
Lyanna had been lying on the bed, black hair spread under her head and a pool of blood around her. The smell of roses and blood had been floating in the room. Lord Stark had knelt next to Lyanna, whose brown eyes had been wide open. Even the memory of that scene made Jory feel sick. He leaned closer to Benjen, who kissed him slowly. And then he was gone, leaving Jory alone with his thoughts. Jory opened his eyes, forcing himself back to the present time.   
  
No Lyanna, no blood, no roses. Only the yard of Winterfell and Benjen teaching his nephews how to swing a sword.

  
  


Jon spent the following night in his room. It wasn't really his, since he was still sharing a room with Robb – much to Lady Stark's annoyance. Nevertheless, he spent the night in his own bed, staring into the darkness of the room. He thought about Robb, and he thought about Jory and Benjen. He liked his uncle and the soldier. Jory wasn't a knight like ser Rodrik, but he was proud about it. He didn't need to be a knight, he didn't need to prove anything to the world when he had already proved himself to Ned Stark.  
  
But Jory was always friendly to Jon. He could be quiet, but sometimes he joined Robb and Jon in their games. Benjen was youngest of Ned's siblings. Jon remembered that they had called him the Wolf Pup. But now he couldn't stop thinking about the hug. Benjen had embraced Jory the way Ned sometimes embraced Lady Stark. Which seemed odd. Jon wanted to know more. He noted himself to talk to Benjen and Jory.

  
  


”Why did you hug Jory yesterday?” Jon asked. Benjen choked on his water and Jory hit him on the back. Benjen turned to look at Jon. The boy was nearly ten. _He has Lyanna's eyes_ , Benjen thought. His hair was as black as the night.  
  
”Because Jory is my dearest friend,” Benjen finally answered. Jon frowned.  
  
”Is Lady Stark my father's dearest friend?” he asked.  
”No. Lady Stark, as you call her, is your father's wife. They love each other,” Benjen explained. Jon's look was utter disbelief. He looked like he didn't believe a word.  
  
”But you hugged him the way father hugs her. Does it mean you love each other?” he asked. He looked at them both, all innocent and curious. Before Benjen could say a word, Jory said:  
  
”Yes.”  
  
Jon's look went from disbelief to confusion, then understandment and then he smiled at them.  
  
”That's great!” he said, sounding genuinely happy. Jory nodded at him and he turned around. Right before Jon left the room, Benjen shouted after him.  
  
”Jon. Don't tell anyone,” he said. Jon turned around.  
  
”I won't,” he said, and he wouldn't. He saw no reason to tell. Benjen nodded and Jon was gone. With a wondering look on his face Benjen turned to Jory.  
  
”He's prettier than some of the women I've seen,” Benjen said. Jory lifted an eyebrow and tried to hold back a smile. Benjen smacked him.  
  
”You're an asshole, Jory Cassel,” he said. Jory commented that the feeling was mutual. Benjen made a face at him.  
  
”Behave like the adult you're supposed to be,” Jory said. Benjen smiled and muttered 'fine' as if he didn't want to behave like an adult.  
  
”But you can't deny it. The boy looks like Lyanna, and she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen,” Benjen said. Jory looked at him, his eyes face quickly growing serious and sadness finding its place in his grey eyes. He opened his mouth and then shut it again.  
  
”Spit it out, Jory,” Benjen said, a tease in his voice.  
  
”I can't,” Jory replied.  
  
”Why?” Benjen inquired, tilting his head to the side. Jory gave him a sad smile and explained:  
  
”Because I made a promise to Lord Stark, and I will not talk of it. After all, it is not my secret to tell. I should not have been there, but I followed Lord Stark. Lord Rickard was the man I swore an oath to, and after him it would have been Brandon, but after their deaths it was Ned. I promised, Benjen. You're a Stark. You understand the value of a promise.”  
  
”Aye, I do. But I am his brother,” Benjen said. Jory noticed how Benjen's tone urged him to go on, tell more. Jory sighed.  
  
”You're a wise man. Think, Benjen. You said it yourself. _The boy looks like Lyanna_ ,” he said and waited. Benjen looked at him in confusion, but slowly his eyes lit as he understood.  
  
”Why did he bring the boy here?” Benjen asked as they stood up and made their way out of the room.  
  
”To keep him safe from the stag and the lion,” Jory answered quietly so that no one would hear. Benjen intended to say something, but Jory shook his head.  
  
”We speak no more of this,” he said simply and carried on walking like nothing happened. Benjen followed him. His silence was a promise, promise not to tell anyone. What neither of them knew was that Ned was walking past the doors and heard the whole conversation. He wasn't angry at Jory. He knew he could trust Benjen with the secret.

 


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About love and direwolves.

They were ten, lying in the grass on their backs. Robb's head rested on Jon's stomach and his eyes were closed. Jon was talking, telling a story about the tourney in which Prince Rhaegar crowned Lyanna Stark as the queen of love and beauty.  
”Don't you think it's a bit odd?” Robb interrupted.

”What?” Jon inquired. Robb rolled onto his stomach and off of Jon. He was still close enough to brush a straw of hair away from Jon's face. Robb smiled gently at Jon.

”That Rhaegar would ride past his wife and crown a woman he didn't even know,” Robb explained, keeping his eyes locked with Jon's. Jon smiled.

”People say that Lyanna was one of the most beautiful women in Westeros,” he said. Robb pushed himself up so that he was on all fours. He leaned over Jon.

”You're beautiful,” Robb mumbled and blushed. Jon only smiled and lifted a hand to caress Robb's cheek.

”Maybe he loved her,” Jon said. His voice was quiet, like a whisper. 

Robb's smile faded as he leaned closer. There was doubt and questions in his bright blue eyes. Jon nodded a little, giving permission, answering voicelessly to a question that was never asked. Their lips barely touched. Jon looked determined. He cupped Robb's face with both of his hands, pulled Robb down and kissed him. It was... new. Robb's lips were soft and warm. It felt right. Like it was supposed to be. But it was also full of teeth and not at all so glamorous as Jon had expected it to be. It still wasn't a disappointment.

”I think I like you,” Robb murmured. And then he blushed. Was he allowed to say things like this? Would someone punish him for saying it? Or worse, would someone punish Jon for making Robb feel like this?

”I think I like you a lot,” Jon said. He pulled Robb on top of him and then rolled them over so that he was hovering over Robb. Robb licked his lips and kissed Jon again. He liked the feeling. He liked Jon. He liked kissing Jon, even though it was all new to him. He had stayed away from kissing girls. It had never felt... right. This, however, was a completely different case. Their lips slotted together perfectly.

”Boys!” called Benjen's voice.

”We're here, uncle,” Jon answered. He was tempted to stay there, to kiss Robb, but he moved away so that Robb could sit up.

”It's time for dinner,” Benjen said as he got closer.

”What, already?” Robb asked, sounding – and looking – dumb-founded.

”Yes, already. Your father sent me to search you under the excuse of spending time with the newborn,” Benjen said. He smiled at the boys. Jon stood up and offered his hand to Robb, who took it and stood up. He didn't let go, and Jon didn't want him to.

”Better watch out that Lady Catelyn doesn't catch you doing that. She isn't very fond of you, Jon,” Benjen warned. Jon immediately tried to pull his hand away from Robb, but the other boy refused to let go.

”Jon is my friend and my brother and I love him. Mother can think what she wants. Jon is mine,” Robb said fiercely. And there it was again: his eyes showing the bright flame burning in his heart. Jon adored that look. Robb was a true Stark, a true Northener.

”Good attitude,” Benjen commented. He had noticed how Jon had squeezed Robb's hand at  _I love him_ and  _Jon is mine._ The boys were young, innocent – they didn't know how the world would judge them for those words.

  
  


Rickon, the youngest of Ned and Catelyn's children was born two years later. 

Robb and Jon were still sharing a room, even though they could have easily had their own rooms. They both protested loudly whenever someone suggested they would have separate rooms. They said they were used to each other's company, that they didn't mind sharing a room. That was true, but the reason they wanted to share a room was something else entirely. Sharing a room meant that they could share a bed whenever they wanted to. At the age of twelve they had already discovered new things and feelings about each other. 

It was no brotherly love. There was nothing brotherly about the way Robb kissed Jon. It was a secret, and no one was supposed to know about it.

  
  


”Jon... Come here, I want to talk with you,” Benjen said. Jon frowned, but followed his uncle into the empty room. Benjen closed the door and sat down. Jon hesitated a little before sitting down opposite to Benjen.

”I know of you and Robb, ” Benjen said.

”What of us?” Jon asked sharply. Benjen placed his hand on Jon's shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

”Listen to me, Jon, and listen carefully. The world will not accept you. Lady Catelyn will find a bride for Robb. He will hate it, hate the idea that he will have to marry someone else. Ned will be sorry for you, but he knows that Robb needs an heir. You two won't be together always. I'm not telling you this because I want you to stop loving him. You will never stop loving him. I'm telling you this because I want you to be happy. Love him while you can. Be with him when it's allowed. And whatever you do, whatever you say, never hate him. Never. War won't come between you, but the world will,” he told. 

Jon studied his face. Benjen was young, youngest of lord Rickard's children. He looked like his brother, but his eyes held more sadness than Ned's.

”War came between you and Jory,” Jon guessed. Benjen shook his head and looked behind Jon, at the wall.

”No, Jon. Not me and Jory. There was one I loved. First our parents were against us. Then became an arranged marriage. And eventually the war,” Benjen answered. 

He gave Jon a sad smile and left. Jon turned around to see what Benjen had been looking at. It was the Stark family sigil. A direwolf. However, this direwolf was different. It wasn't like the one in the sigil. This had black fur and red eyes. Jon hadn't seen any like this. It was beautiful. It's fur was as black as the night and it's eyes were like blood. He tore his eyes off of it and went to find a Robb.

  
  


Jon and Robb were sparring outside. They were using wooden swords, so that no real harm could be done. Robb swung his sword, but Jon easily moved out of reach and then hit Robb between the ribs. Robb lost his balance, but he managed not to fall onto his back. He was on his knees, and Jon placed his sword on his throat.

”I killed you, ”Jon said calmly. He helped Robb back on his feet.

”Shall we do it again?” Robb asked.

”Fine for me...,” Jon answered. He was just about to raise his sword, when Robb went for his legs. Jon, who had been facing the other way, fell forwards.

”That was cheating,” he muttered as he pushed himself up from the ground and turned around to face Robb. Robb's cocky grin turned to concern as he looked at Jon's face.

”You're bleeding,” Robb said.

”What?” Jon asked, looking and sounding confused. Robb dropped his sword and stepped closer, brushing his thumb over Jon's brow.

”Your eyebrow is bleeding,” Robb explained, showing Jon the blood on his thumb.

”There's sharp rocks on the ground,” Jon said, shrugging. It wasn't a big deal.

”I'm sorry I hurt you,” Robb replied.

”It doesn't really hurt. It's okay, Robb. Stop looking like a kicked puppy,” Jon said, his lips spreading into a wide grin. 

Robb smacked him for calling him a kicked puppy. Jon replied by throwing himself against Robb, making them both fall over. Robb rolled them around so that he was on top and Jon was lying on his back. Their swords were forgotten on the ground.

”This isn't exactly sword fighting,” Jon pointed out. Robb rolled his eyes.

”Your wound is still bleeding,” he said, his eyes flickering from Jon's eyes to his lips instead of the wound. Jon looked at Robb.

”Kiss it better?” he asked. 

Robb smiled and kissed the wound lightly. Jon closed his eyes and held his breath. He wanted time to stop, right there. He wanted the two of them to be trapped in time, frozen in forever, alone together.

”Jon? Are you alright?” Robb asked, pulling Jon out of his thoughts. 

Jon looked at Robb. He was so handsome with his blue eyes, auburn hair and those red lips. He was fourteen, not really a child anymore but still not a man. But Jon knew Robb would get married soon, most likely after his sixteenth nameday. And it was only two years away.

”No,” Jon whispered. Robb looked very concerned.

”What's wrong?” he asked. Benjen's words came back to Jon's mind.  _War won't come between you, but the world will._

”The world,” Jon said and laughed even though there were tears in his eyes. A smile played on Robb's lips.

”Jon! Robb! Your father wants you to join him,” Jory shouted from across the yard.

”What for?” Robb asked.

”A deserter from the Night's Watch,” Jory explained. 

Robb got up, pulled Jon up, and then they followed Jory. Their horses were ready, and Ned was already on his horse. To their surprise Sansa was there too, wearing a furry cloak. Her expression was blank, but Jon could see in her eyes that she was excited to join them, but that she was also unsure of what was going to happen. Jon and Robb knew what was about to happen.

”Come,” Ned commanded, and they left, Ned leading them. Jon and Robb came right after him, Sansa was behind them and Jory and Benjen were on Arya's both sides. Ned's squire was the last, a thirteen-year-old Northerner with dark hair and dark eyes.

They reached the place of execution soon. Two of Stark household soldiers were holding a man dressed in black.

”Do you know what is the punishment of deserting the Night's Watch?” Ned asked as the man knelt.

”Aye,” he said, his voice shaking a little. He was afraid, it was obvious. Jon placed a hand on Sansa's shoulder. The girl didn't turn to look at him, but Jon knew she was listening.

”Don't look away,” he whispered.

”Why would I?” she asked and shook Jon's hand off. 

Jon looked quickly at Robb, but Robb was looking at Ned and the deserter. Jon turned to look at them too. He had seen this once before. He had been nine and Ned had taken them both with him on a riding journey. Jory and Benjen had followed, along with ser Rodrik. Neither Jon nor Robb had known what to expect, but they had guessed it when the man had knelt in front of a stone, and Ned had taken his sword. Neither one of them had looked away when the man was beheaded. Jon wasn't sure if Sansa would look away or not. She was young.

”I, Lord Eddard Stark, Warden of the North and Lord of Winterfell, sentence you to death,” Ned finished and lifted his sword. 

Sansa took a deep breath.  _I will not look away. Father asked me to come. I will not let him down. I will not look away. I am a Stark. I am strong. I will not look away._

The sword came down, chopping of the man's head. And Sansa didn't look away. She didn't even blink. She had her hands clenched in fists and her nails were digging into her palms, causing pain. But when her father turned to look at her, he gave her a nod. He was proud of her. She smiled a little.

On their way back, Jon and Robb went first. The roads were fairly safe, and no wildlings had seen near Winterfell.

”Why was Sansa here?” Jon asked quietly.

”I know as much as you do. I would guess it wasn't mother's idea,” Robb answered. Lady Stark would have never let Sansa come if she had known what this was about, this Jon knew.

”She didn't look away,” Jon said after a moment.

”No. I half expected her to scream,” Robb replied, bowing to not hit a three branch.

Jon smiled a little and turned around to see where the rest of their company were. Their father was riding next to Sansa, talking with her. The soldiers followed. Then the squire. Benjen and Jory were last. He turned around as Robb started to speak again.

”What's that?” he asked, pointing further ahead.

”Looks like a dead animal,” Jon answered.

”Should we take a look or wait for father?” Robb asked, but Jon was already urging his horse to move faster. Robb didn't hesitate before following Jon. By the time he caught up with him, Jon had already stopped and was looking at the animal. It was a stag and it's stomach was ripped open.

”Well. It's definitely dead,” Robb commented as he jumped down from his horse. 

He handed the reins to Jon, who took them and glared at Robb.

”I'm not your squire,” he said.

”But you'd rather make sure my horse stays here than watch it run away, because then you'd have to share your horse,” Robb answered. Jon raised an eyebrow.

”I don't I would mind riding with you,” he said. 

Robb smiled, rolled his eyes and turned to look at the stag. Just as he was kneeling, Ned stopped next to them.

”You two shouldn't gallop away like that,” he said.

”Sorry, father. But we found this,” Jon replied, nodding towards the dead stag. Ned got down from his horse and threw the reins to Jon. He knelt in front of the dead animal to examine it.

”What do you think killed it, father?” Robb asked.

”I would've said a wolf, but a wolf wouldn't leave the carcass lying like this. This is no work of men. There are no mountain lions here. I do not know,” Ned answered and got up. 

The stag's horn was broken and a trail of blood lead from the stag into the forest. Jon was already walking there, his hands on his sword. He walked carefully, his steps as quiet as a wolf's steps. Robb followed him, almost walking straight into Jon as he suddenly stopped.

”Why did y-- Seven hells,” Robb said as he noticed was Jon was looking at. 

A huge, dead wolf was lying near the riverbank. The stag's horn had pierced it's throat. Five pups were next to it.

”That's not a normal wolf,” Jon replied and walked closer. 

He knelt next to the dead wolf and carefully touched it's fur. It was grey, like most of the pups' fur. One was black and one had a little brown in its fur, but the rest were the same color as the dead one. Jon moved a little closer so that he could see the wolf's eyes. He stared at it, but it didn't stare back.

”She's dead,” he said quietly. 

When only silence answered, he turned around. Robb was staring at him, shocked. Sansa had her mouth open. The squire was behind her, looking as shocked as Robb. Ned had a serious look on his face, as did Jory and Benjen. The two soldiers were shocked as well. Jon didn't understand why they were so shocked. He caressed the wolf's head, running his fingers through the thick fur. When he reached it's neck, his hand was covered in blood. He grabbed the horn and pulled it out.

”It's a direwolf,” Jory said.

”It's a dead direwolf,” Benjen corrected.

”She had five pups. They're still alive,” Jon replied. He took one into his arms and lifted it up. It was the one with a brown shade in its fur. Sansa smiled and dared to come a little closer.

”Can I have it?” she asked her father, looking at the pup with adoring eyes.

”It's a beast. A wild beast. And it won't survive,” Ned answered. Sansa looked heartbroken.

”Please, father,” she said. Ned shook his head and turned to talk to the soldiers. Jon knew what he would say. He stood up, the wolf pup still in his arms.

”Lord Stark,” he said. Robb's eyes were confused. Jon never talked to Ned like this.

”Yes, Jon?” Ned asked. Jon glanced at Sansa.

”There are five pups. One for each of the Stark children,” he said.

”I have six children,” Ned replied. Jon lowered his gaze for a moment before looking back at him.

”I know you do. But I am a bastard. My last name's not Stark. The direwolf is your sigil. Please, take them,” he said, holding out the pup. Finally, Ned nodded slowly. He kept his eyes on Jon.

”You train them by yourself. You feed them, you play with them. If they die, you bury them,” he said. 

Sansa's smile was wide. She kissed Ned on the cheek and looked at Jon.

”Thank you. Brother,” she said and smiled. 

Jon smiled back and offered the pup to her. She carefully walked down to him and took the pup, kissing his cheek as well. She looked at the dead wolf.

”Go on, Sansa. Don't stay here,” Jon said, gently pushing her forward. 

She stepped aside and Jon gave two pups to Robb, who then turned around and walked away. Benjen took the two other and followed Robb. Jon stayed at the dead wolf's side for a moment. It was a beautiful animal, despite the fact that it's throat had been slit open. He turned around and was about to walk away, when he heard something. Turning around, he saw a white wolf pup hiding behind a rock.

”Hey...,” he said quietly and approached the pup. It turned around and ran. Jon sighed and followed, jumping over the rock and landing straight into the small river. He grabbed the puppy and lifted it from the river. It was white as snow and it had red eyes. It was dripping water.

”Jon? Are you coming?” asked Benjen.

”Yeah... Yes, I'm coming,” Jon answered, looking at the pup. He turned around and run up the hill to the horses.

”I found the sixth pup,” he said as he got onto his horse.

”You can keep it, but...,” Ned begun.

”If he dies, I'll bury him,” Jon interrupted. Ned nodded and turned his horse around.

”Back to Winterfell!” he commanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, next chapter might not be posted next weekend, because  
> 1) I haven't finished it yet and I've got school to worry about  
> 2) we're going to visit some relatives and we won't be back until Sunday evening.  
> But I'll try to post it asap after that weekend.
> 
> Any comments are welcomed! :)


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About the complexity of family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY for taking this much time, but I do - believe it or not - have a life. Here's the next chapter and then I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait for the next one for a longer time. I have school and NaNoWriMo and other projects and a pathetic thing called social life. But this will not be forgotten.

~*~*~

Jon was in the godswood. He had walked away from the argument between Robb and his lady mother. It had been about Jon. It was always about Jon. And if not about Jon directly, it was about Robb spending too much time with him. Jon was the only subject Robb ever argued with Lady Stark. Robb never raised his voice to her, but if she insulted Jon in Robb’s prescense, he stood up for Jon. This time, however, it had been different.

They had been lying in Robb’s bed, Jon’s head resting on Robb’s chest and Robb gently stroking his hair.  
”I love you,” Jon had said. He had lifted his head to look at Robb.  
”I love you too,” Robb had answered. There had been certainty in those words. They had said it before, but not like this. This time it had meant something. This time it had meant everything to them.

Jon had pushed himself up only to move so that he had been able to kiss Robb. Robb’s hand had been tangled in Jon’s hair.  
”I want you to be mine,” Jon had whispered as he had trailed kisses down Robb’s neck, making his half-brother moan.  
”I am yours,” Robb had replied breathlessly. Jon had stopped and looked at Robb, his pupils blown.  
”I want you,” he had said and Robb had pulled him closer so that he could kiss him again. It had been rough, but Robb would have never hurt Jon. He had rolled them around so that he had been on top. He had kissed Jon’s lips and trailed down to his jaw and neck and then he had sucked a mark onto his collarbone. Jon had moaned and attempted to take off Robb’s shirt with one hand while the other one had been behind Robb’s neck as they had kissed again. And then someone had knocked on the door. Jon had stopped kissing Robb as he had realized it. The door hadn’t been locked. He had tried to tell it to Robb, but it had been too late. The door had already been opened. Lady Stark had been standing there, watching them with wide, horrified eyes.

”Mother,” Robb had said.  
”Snow. Get out. Get out of my house. NOW!” Catelyn had shouted, and Jon had attempted to get up and run, but Robb had held him down.  
”Don’t speak to him like that!” Robb had answered angrily. He had stood up and immediately Jon had also stood up and run past Robb, out of the room.  
”JON!” Robb had shouted, but he hadn’t come after him. Maybe Lady Stark had held him.

Jon was in the godswood, knowing Lady Stark hated him with her whole heart and soul. Knowing she would kill him if the chance was given. Jon had never seen such anger in anyone’s eyes as the anger in Lady Stark’s eyes the moment she saw her firstborn kissing the bastard boy she hated. And Jon had never been so afraid of anyone. He had ran all the way from Robb’s room to the edge of the forest where he had stopped only to try and steady his breath and to wipe away the tears on his cheeks.

He kept walking and walking and walking until he heard a silent voice mumbling words he couldn’t hear properly. He looked up and saw his father, head bowed and eyes closed before the heart tree.  
”I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here…,” he stammered and turned away. Ned got up and turned to him.  
”Jon,” he said. Just a simple word, one name. Jon stopped, but didn’t turn to face his father.  
”Do you hate me?” he asked instead.  
”No, Jon. You are my son,” Ned answered. He didn’t have the time to question Jon’s words, because Jon spoke again.  
”Would you hate me if you knew what I’ve done?” he asked.  
”What have you done?” Ned asked. Jon turned slowly around.  
”Loved,” he said and his voice was trembling. Ned walked towards him, but Jon backed off.  
”There is nothing wrong in loving someone,” Ned said and tried to grab Jon’s hand, but Jon backed off again. He stayed a few feet away from his father.  
”Lady Stark disagrees,” he said. This time there was no bitterness in his voice. Only fear. This time Ned managed to put his hand on Jon’s shoulder. Jon looked at him.  
”Catelyn cannot hurt you. She may never love you, but she would never lay a hand on you,” Ned said sternly. Jon almost laughed.  
”She would’ve killed me, if Robb hadn’t been there,” he said, tears running down his cheeks. Need looked horrified. He sat down to the rock behind him and Jon sat to the ground. He looked at his feet.  
”I… Robb… We… We were kissing. Me and Robb. On Robb’s bed, and she walked in and told me to get out of the house. Robb shouted at her and I ran away. Do I have to go somewhere else now?” he asked, turning to look at his father. Ned blinked. He could not believe what Catelyn had said. As for Jon and Robb, he had seen it. The way they looked at each other. The way they spoke to each other. The casual, harmless touches. He had seen it before, with Benjen and… But no, this was not the similar situation. This would not end like the one before. Ned took Jon’s hand and embraced him.  
”You are my son. I will let no harm be done to you. I will speak with Catelyn once we get back. She has no right and no reason to speak to you like that. You won’t leave Winterfell; this is your home. Once we’re back, you’ll go find Robb. Don’t worry about Catelyn. I’ll speak to her,” Ned said and gave Jon a reassuring smile. Jon couldn’t smile back.  
”Can… Can I stay for a while? I promise I’ll be back before night falls,” he asked. Ned nodded.  
”You can stay. Just make sure that you’ll go find Robb when you get back. I once knew a boy, much like you. I made a mistake with him. I won’t do the same with you,” he answered and his thoughts drifted off to another place, to another time. It seemed like another lifetime.  
”Father?” Jon asked carefully. Ned shook his head.  
”I’ll talk to her,” he said as he left.

Jon turned to look at the tree. He had never been bothered by it, but he knew that the tree’s face sometimes made Robb uncomfortable. They had often come here, to hide from Lady Stark. She was a Tully, and the Seven were her gods. She did not go in to the forest, unless she wanted to talk with Ned. Jon remembered the times when Robb had taken his hand and smiled at him. He had walked backwards, keeping his eyes on Jon, and they had gone to the godswood. There Robb had pushed Jon against a tree, kissing his lips and neck, whispering sweet words of love. He remembered it all, but it made no difference. He knew his father would talk to Lady Stark, but that wouldn’t change a thing. Lady Stark would always hate him, and now she would keep him away from Robb as well.

”Are you alright?” asked a girl’s voice. Jon flinched and turned to the sound. It was Sansa, dressed in a light blue dress that matched her eyes. Robb’s eyes were the same color, Jon knew.  
”I wouldn’t exactly say so,” Jon answered and turned away again. Sansa hesitated. She had seen Jon running away from Robb’s room, and she had heard Robb arguing with their mother. They had been cruel words.  
”Robb said… He shouted at mother that you are more of a Stark than she’ll ever be. I think she slapped him for that,” Sansa finally said. She hadn’t meant to be eavesdropping, but both Robb and her lady mother had been shouting. Sansa wouldn’t be surprised if the whole North had heard them.  
”He shouldn’t have said so,” Jon said quietly. He was glad that Robb was always on his side, but he knew Robb shouldn’t have said it.  
”Mother… She said that Robb can never see you again,” Sansa continued. Jon’s heart skipped a beat.  
”What?” he asked, his voice barely loud enough to be a whisper. The tears were burning his eyes. He should have known. But realizing it hit him hard. Sansa walked closer. Jon turned to look at her. She felt sorry for him.  
”I’m sure she didn’t mean it,” Sansa said. Jon tried to laugh, but he couldn’t. A tear rolled onto his cheek. He would never see Robb again. Robb would marry some stranger. Robb would have children. Robb would be Lord Stark. Robb would forget him. Before he could react, Sansa had flung her arms around him and hugged him tightly.  
”You’ll be fine. Robb won’t accept it, he would never do it. You’re his brother. You’re my brother. I won’t let mother keep you away from each other. You’ll be fine,” she said.  
”Do you think he’ll remember me?” Jon asked quietly. Sansa wasn’t sure what he meant. How could Robb forget Jon? She had seen them. She wasn’t blind, and she most definitely wasn’t stupid. Even Ghost and Grey Wind – Jon and Robb’s direwolves – seemed to notice how close the brothers were. Ghost played with Grey Wind, and more oft than not Sansa had seen the two wolves sleeping next to each other.  
”Where’s Ghost, anyway?” she asked.   
”He… Off with Grey Wind, I think,” Jon answered, a little confused.  
”See? Even your wolves are always together. Mother can’t keep you separate,” Sansa said and smiled. She pulled back from Jon and gave him a reassuring smile. Jon was still looking heartbroken and miserable, so Sansa took his hand.  
”Come. Robb will want to see you, I think,” she said.  
”Lady Stark won’t let him,” Jon replied. Sansa looked at him.  
”Don’t be so miserable all the time! Do you think mother’s order will stop Robb? How many times has he run off with you? How many years has he shared a room with you? Exactly. Do you think mother just allowed it? Of course not! She denied it, but Robb didn’t care about it. Jon. He cares about you, and only you,” she said. Jon blinked, surprised by Sansa’s words.  
”I…,” he begun.  
”You didn’t realize it, because you’re stupid and apparently can only see the bad sides in things. And I won’t let you be all miserable, because that makes Robb miserable and then he’s horrible. He snaps at everyone and listens to no one. Remember the time when mother shouted at you at dinner, and you walked away? Robb was horrible after that,” Sansa interrupted and started to walk, pulling Jon with her.

  


When they got back, the house was dead silent. Lady came running to meet Sansa and she took her with them. A moment later Ghost joined them, walking on Jon’s side. Grey Wind followed him. Nobody made a sound. They walked to the hall and found their father, Lady Stark, and Robb.

”I told you already. That boy will not live here anymore. I will not accept it,” Lady Stark said to her husband. Robb’s arms were crossed over his chest, and he was staring angrily at his mother.  
”He’s my brother! You will not drive him away,” Robb said.  
”Robb is right, Catelyn. He’s my son. He’ll stay here, and you won’t touch him. Robb and Jon will have separate rooms, but Jon won’t leave Winterfell,” Ned replied. Jon was still holding Sansa’s hand. Ghost licked his other palm.  
”Robb…,” Jon whispered. Sansa barely heard it, but Grey Wind heard. He barked, not like a dog, but like a wolf. All three turned to look at them. Robb’s face lit with joy.  
”Jon,” he said. Sansa let go of Jon’s hand and pushed him forward when he didn’t move. Robb wasted no time walking to Jon and hugging him, tightly.  
”We’ll be fine,” Jon whispered. Robb closed his eyes, but Jon glanced at Sansa and smiled at her. She smiled back, called Lady and walked away. Ned and Catelyn were still there, though, and Catelyn was looking at the boy. But every time she looked at them, she saw them lying on Robb’s bed and kissing each other. She could not accept such a thing. They were half-brothers, and Robb would marry someone soon. Catelyn was afraid he might not let Jon go. That, even when he was married, he would go to Jon and give him what he should be giving to his wife. Catelyn loved her children, and she would do anything to keep them happy, but… This she could not do.  
”Ned. This can’t go on,” she said. She was very well aware of the fact that Robb and Jon could hear her words. She did not care. The boys had to know.  
”Lord Karstark suggested that Robb would be promised to his daughter,” Catelyn continued. Robb’s whole body tensed.  
”Alys Karstark?” Ned asked. Catelyn nodded.  
”She’s older than Robb,” Ned pointed out.  
”One year. It hardly makes a difference,” Catelyn said. Jon pressed his lips against Robb’s neck.  
”Does Robb want to marry her?” Ned asked.  
”No,” Robb answered. He let go of Jon and turned to his parents.  
”Robb… You’ll have to eventually marry someone. You are the heir of Winterfell,” Ned said calmly.  
”I don’t want to!” Robb replied, slight despair in his voice. Jon took his hand.  
”Robb, your father is right. I know you don’t want it, but you have to marry someone. You will rule Winterfell one day. You can’t rule alone,” Jon said.  
”Can’t I marry you?” Robb asked. Jon couldn’t speak. He had never expected Robb to ask this. He had dreamed about it, but he knew it could never happen.  
”No,” Catelyn said. She had had enough.  
”Robb, you will marry lord Rickard’s daughter. We will speak no more of this unnatural thing with the bastard,” she continues.  
”His name is Jon! And I love him!” Robb shouted, angrier than he had ever been. Catelyn had insulted Jon his whole life. It was time to do something about it.  
”All his life you’ve mocked him, insulted him, hurt him. You wish that he would’ve died a long time ago, don’t you? You cannot bear the thought of someone loving him. Are you afraid that he’s somehow going to steal me? What did he ever do to you, mother?” Robb asked, shouting. Catelyn slapped him.  
”Never speak to your mother like that, Robb. Never again,” she said. Robb stared right back at her.  
”His name is Jon Snow, he is my brother, and I love him. Nothing is going to change that,” he says, and his voice is dangerously calm and steady. Jon moved uncomfortably, looking down. He took half a step away from Robb, who doesn’t seem to notice. Jon dared to glance up. Ned caught his eye, but his expression was desperate. Jon looked apologetic, but his eyes were full of fear and sorrow. He took another step.  
”I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice falling apart. It took Robb a second too long to turn to him. It took him a second too long to understand. It took him a second too long to react. Jon was already running, far away from Robb, and there was nothing Robb could do. Catelyn stared at him, keeping him there.  
”Robb…,” Ned began, but Robb wasn’t listening.  
”Are you happy now?” Robb asked, words full of poison. Catelyn didn’t react. Robb turned away and ran. He knew there was no way he was going to catch Jon now. He couldn’t find him anymore. Jon knew Winterfell too well.

”Sansa, wait!” Jon shouted. His half-sister stopped and turned around, wind catching her long red hair. Lady looked curiously at him.  
”Sansa, I need you to do something for me,” Jon said when he reached her. Sansa frowned.  
”What? And why?” she asked.  
”I… Just take care of Ghost, will you? I can’t tell why, but take care of him. Promise me,” Jon said, taking Sansa’s hand. He sounded serious and scared, and it scared Sansa.  
”No, what happened? Jon, tell me!” she replied. Jon bit his lip, clearly fighting tears.  
”I can’t. I’m sorry, Sansa. I have to go, quickly, before Robb comes,” he finally said. Sansa pretended she didn’t notice how Jon’s voice broke when he said their brother’s name. She pretended she didn’t see how scared and sorrowful Jon was. She doesn’t pretend not to see the tears on his cheeks.  
”I’ll take care of Ghost. I’ll tell Robb you will never forget the color of his eyes or the way sunlight makes his hair shine red. I’ll tell Robb you will never forget his name, you won’t forget him,” she said as he reached up to kiss Jon’s cheek. She kissed his cheek gently, tasting the salt in his tears. Jon let out a pathetic sob. It broke Sansa’s heart to see him like this.  
”Go, Jon. You said you had to go,” Sansa said. Jon lingers.  
”Te-tell Robb that I… I… I love him,” he whispered. Sansa nodded and Jon turned away, running toward the stables. He pushed past Jory, who shouted his name and a question. When Jory turned to look at Sansa, she shook her head.  
”Let him go,” she said. Jory looked at Jon, and then walked away to where Sansa stood.  
”Where is he going?” Jory asked. Jon was already on a horse, and he was leaving the stables. They heard someone running, and then Robb was there.  
”JON!” he shouted, heartbroken. Jon turned to look at them. Sansa in her blue dress and grey cape with Lady sitting on her side. The wind was whirling around them, Sansa’s red hair was dancing in the wind. She smiled at him. Jory with his black and brown clothes. His sword was on his side, and there was confusion on his face. But Robb… Robb wasstanding behind them, breathless and heartbroken. His blue eyes were shining with tears. His red hair was messed up by the wind. His mouth was open, in an attempt to shout for Jon to stop, but there was no voice left in him. He looked back at Jon, and Jon almost stayed. But he couldn’t. He turned the horse around and left. Robb broke down crying, but Sansa was there to hold him. She put her arms around him and whispered words into Robb’s ear— talked about promises and love, talked about Grey Wind and Ghost. She didn’t mention Jon’s name, but she told him what she promised to tell. Robb didn’t care. His heart was broken in a thousand, shattered pieces, all black and stained with blood and tears. They were in the wind, scattered around the North and he couldn’t pick them up. Not alone.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About runaways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies that it took this long. I'll try my best to not take this much time with the next chapter.

  
  
Tears blurred Jon's vision completely.  


 

_I'm an idiot, Robb, I'm so sorry, I had to leave, I love you._

Those words kept running through his mind, louder and louder, until the whisper was a shout and Jon pulled the horse to a stop. He wiped his face and blinked a few times before looking around. He had ridden North, and all around him was barren land. In other words, he didn't know where he was. Near Winterfell, but how near? 

 

He turned back, but couldn't see the castle. Too far away. Too far away from Robb and too far away to turn go back. And Catelyn would kill him, if Robb wouldn't. He hoped no one was coming after him, but it was likely that Robb or Ned would start searching for him. 

 

But Jon couldn't go back. He didn't belong in Winterfell. It was the mansion of the house Stark. Jon wasn't a Stark, no matter how many times Robb said so, no matter how many times he called Ned ”father”.

 

”I'm sorry, I have to go”, he whispered into the wind, making a wish--  _Please, let Robb hear this, let him hear my apology._  


 

Back in Winterfell, Ned had followed Robb outside. He found Sansa and her direwolf, but he couldn't see Robb, Jon or the boys' wolves.

 

”Sansa, where did Jon go?” he asked.

 

”Away”, Sansa said. It wasn't like her to not look at Ned when she spoke to him. She kept petting Lady, but her hands were shaking, and she averted her eyes from him.

 

”Sansa.”

 

It wasn't a threat, but his tone was more serious and more ”Lord Stark” than ”father”. Sansa looked up. Her eyes, Catelyn's eyes, were glimmering with tears and a few had rolled down her cheeks.

 

”Jon... He left. He didn't take Ghost with him, just the horse. Jory saw. Robb saw. Robb wants to go after him, but he can't! He mustn't. Jon said he can't. Jon said they can never ever meet. Jon said he loves Robb”, she said, frowning, trying to understand what Jon had told her. It didn't make any sense. If Jon loved Robb so much, why did he have to go?

 

”Where's Ghost? We need him, and we need Grey Wind. I don't care what that boy said. Winter is coming, it's getting cold, and he needs to come back home. I made a promise”, Ned said.

 

”With Grey Wind”, Jory replied. He was confused, but Ned's words had seemed to make him remember something.

 

”Jory, find the wolves. Quickly. Meet me at the stables, I'll wait with Robb”, Ned said. Jory nodded and ran back inside to find the wolves. Ned turned away from Sansa and went to the stables to find Robb. He found the eldest Stark saddling his horse, movements fast and angry, cheeks wet with tears.

 

”Robb...”, Ned said carefully.

 

”I hate him. I hate Jon. He shouldn't have left”, Robb said angrily. His mood made the horses restless. Ned put his hand on Robb's shoulder, and to his great surprise, Robb actually looked at him. With burning eyes, Catelyn's eyes, Sansa's eyes.

 

”We need to find him before dark, do you understand? If we don't, we'll never find him. You know Jon. You know he knows these woods and lands almost as well as I do. If we lose him, he's gone forever”, Ned said.

 

”Then why in seven hells are we still here?!” Robb shouted.

 

”Because you can't go alone. I told Jory to find Grey Wind and Ghost, they'll help us. You go find Benjen and tell him it's about Jon. Say no more, and run”, Ned said calmly.

 

 Robb frowned, but didn't stop to ask. It was visible that he wanted to go after Jon now and not later, but Ned was his father, his Lord. He had to obey.

 

A short moment later, all three men and the two wolves came down to the stables. Ghost was agitated and bared his teeth at anyone who tried to get near, but at the same time he kept staring at Robb with his red eyes, stranger's eyes. Grey Wind was in the same state of mind as Robb, but he seemed more calm than the albino wolf.

 

”Jon headed North. We have to find him before night falls”, Ned said shortly. He had saddled three more horses ready and soon enough all men were riding to the same direction Jon had headed, Ghost and Grey Wind leading the way.

 

\--

 

Jon circled back to the Godswood. He wasn't as far up in the North as he had thought, but he made a long circle just in case someone was out looking for him. He let his horse free before he entered the forest and scared the beast so that it ran away. He then ran into the forest, knowing exactly where he should hide. He had hidden there before, many times, but only Ghost had ever found him. 

 

And Sansa, that one time, after Sansa's last birthday when Jon had been dared to kiss Sansa on the cheek and Catelyn had driven him off. Sansa had followed him, Lady on her heels. She would've gotten lost if Ghost hadn't gone back to find the girl and the wolf. But Sansa wasn't out looking for him, and hopefully she never would. Jon didn't want to be found. He didn't need to be found.

 

\--

 

Sun was already setting when the thought occured to Robb. 

 

The godswood. 

 

Jon had always liked that place. It was essentially their hiding place. That one old tree, near the western edge of the forest. A small river ran by it, and sometimes the sunlight pierced the thick layers of leaves and rained down upon them. Robb remembered Jon's pale skin under his fingers, Jon's plump lips under his.

 

”My lord. We have to head back to Winterfell”, Jory said.

 

”I promised to take care of him. What will L--”, Ned began, but he was interrupted by Benjen's words.

 

”Ned. Listen to Jory.”

 

His words were sharp, like a warning. Robb got the feeling they weren't telling him something.

 

”Father?” he asked. Ned's eyes were sad when he turned to look at Robb. His eyes were grey, but Jon's eyes were brown.  _Stranger's eyes_ , Robb recalled his mother saying.

 

”We'll go back to Winterfell. Jon's gone”, Ned said.

 

”What about the godswood?” Robb asked.

 

”What about it?”

 

”Jon could be there.”

 

\--

 

Benjen hadn't followed the others. He trailed after Ghost, knowing the wolf would sense Jon. Ghost turned to look east when they entered the forest, and almost stepped that way, but something made him change his mind. He went to east, to the direction Ghost had intended to go to.

 

”Jon?” he asked quietly. Only the howling wind replied.

 

”Jon, are you here? You have to come back to Winterfell. Your father... He made a promise. You have to help him keep that promise. Okay?”

 

No response.

 

”Jon. Do it for Robb”, Benjen tried. He didn't even know if there was anyone listening. He could've thought wrong.

 

”Robb's better off without me”, came a quiet reply. Jon was standing behind a tree, pale as a ghost. He had clearly been crying. His hand was on the hilt of his sword.

 

”He's not. You have to come home”, Benjen said.

 

”Winterfell isn't my home. It's the home of the Stark household. My name's Snow, I don't belong there”, Jon replied. Benjen couldn't believe the boy was this stupid. He hopped off his horse and walked to Jon, grabbing him by the arm.

 

”Fool! You're name is Snow, but you're parents are of noble birth! Your mother was a Stark! Your grandfather was a Stark. Your cousins are Starks. How stupid can you be? You belong in Winterfell, more than Lady Catelyn does. She's not a Stark by blood, she's a Stark by marriage. I hold no grudge against the Lady Catelyn, but I am right. And you're the biggest idiot the realm has ever seen if you believe Robb is better off without you!” Benjen said. 

 

Jon frowned.

 

”Wha-what? My mother... Sh-was she a Stark? She... She couldn't have been. Ned.. Lord Eddard, I mean, he...”, Jon stammered.

 

”He is not your father. He is your uncle. Like I am. Like Brandon was. Getting there yet or do you need more hints?” Benjen asked. He let go of Jon, who backed off slowly and unsteadily. He blinked rapidly, but the tears still filled his eyes and ran down to his cheeks.

 

”She... My mother... Was she Lyanna?” Jon asked, looking at Benjen with his brown eyes, stranger's eyes, Lyanna's eyes.

 

”Yes. Lyanna Stark is your mother. And she loved you very much, more than she loved anyone else. More than she loved that prince of hers”, Benjen replied.

 

”Prince? Do you mean... Prince Rhaegar? Targaryen? Am I a Targaryen?” Jon asked. 

 

Now he sounded like he was afraid. Benjen shook his head and said,

 

”No. You're not. You're a Stark. You belong to the North.”

 

Jon was more shocked than he had ever been. All this time, he had thought Ned was his father. All this time... Catelyn. She had hated him because he was Ned's son.

 

”Does Lady Stark know?” Jon asked.

 

”No. Officially, I don't know. Nor does Jory. Only Ned was supposed to know. See, he made a promise to our sister on her deathbed. He promised he'd take care of you and treat you like his son. And he has. You are his son. And Robb loves you very much. You can't leave him like this. You don't know how it feels”, Benjen said.

 

”You don't understand! This isn't about my parents, it's about the fact that Robb is the heir. He has to marry Alys Karstark, whether he wants to or not. I don't fit to the image. I have to go”, Jon said. 

 

He turned and ran, away from Benjen and straight to the direction where the other searchers were. Benjen ran after him, shouting his name as loudly as he could, hoping the others would hear him. Hoping they'd catch Jon.

 

Robb heard it first. Benjen's voice echoing through the forest, calling out Jon's name. Grey Wind let out a low growl and ran off, Ghost following him.

 

”Grey Wind! Ghost!” Robb shouted, but the wolves didn't obey him and stop. They kept running, and Robb rode after them, not caring if his father and Jory had heard.

 

Jon could hear the wolves. Grey Wind's growling, Ghost's steps. Seconds later the wolves had caught up with him and forced him to stop, cornering him against a large tree. Grey Wind growled at him, and Ghost revealed his teeth.

 

”No. Go away!” Jon said, but there was no force in his words.

 

”Jon.”

 

It was Robb. Hair messy and cheeks flushed.

 

”Robb, I... I have to go. Let me go. Please. Now. Before it hurts too much”, Jon pleaded. 

 

He didn't want to look at Robb and remember. But Robb walked closer and the wolves let him.

 

”You're so stupid! I hate you!” Robb said angrily and pinned Jon against the tree. 

 

Jon's eyes were wide with fear or wonder, Robb didn't know, didn't care.

 

”I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Here”, he said and touched Jon's chest where his heart was. He could almost feel Jon's heart, it was beating so fast.

 

”I know. That's why I have to go”, Jon replied. 

 

Tears ran down Robb's cheeks when he let go of Jon and pushed him away from the tree.

 

”Then go. Run”, he said weakly.

 

\--

 

Catelyn had always hated the bastard boy. But now, when he had ran off, and everyone seemed so worried about him... She didn't know if she felt any hatred towards the boy. She could never accept her son sleeping with the bastard, but maybe she could stop hating Jon. 

 

She should pity the boy. He had no parents, other than Ned, and Ned had five children of his own to take care of. Catelyn realized no one had ever held Jon like a mother holds her children. No one had ever kissed him goodnight or told him bedtime stories. No one had wiped away tears from his cheeks as a child. Ned had taken care of the children just like Catelyn had, but the gentleness and love a mother showed to her children... Only a mother could do that. 

 

Suddenly Catelyn felt guilty. She had been evil to the boy all his life. She had been blinded by her rage so that she could not see that she was hurting him. She got up immediately and headed outside, hoping Ned would bring the boy back. He deserved more than hate.

 

She found Sansa and Arya sitting on the stairs, Lady and Nymeria half curled up in the girls' laps.

 

”Have they returned yet?” Catelyn asked.

 

”No. Why do you ask? You hate Jon”, Arya said. Her words stung.

 

”Arya...”

 

But before she could finish, they heard horses galloping. Four horses returned, even though five had left. Ghost and Grey Wind were with them, but the sun had set and it was difficult to see who had returned.

 

”Ned? Did you find him?” Catelyn asked, rushing to meet her husband. Ned looked grim, but nodded.

 

”Yes. In the godswood. Cat, don't talk to them right now. They need to be alone”, he said.

 

”No, I need to talk to Jon”, Catelyn said. Her eyes, bright and blue, were stern and gave Ned no choice.

 

”I'll take the girls to bed. Are Rickon and Bran already sleeping?” he asked. Catelyn nodded. Ned kissed her cheek softly before walking past her and taking her daughters inside. Both Arya and Sansa would've wanted to stay, they wanted to see Jon, but Ned promised they'd see him first thing next morning.

 

”I don't need to be escorted into my room, father”, Sansa said.

 

”Neither do I”, Arya said.

 

”And if I don't make sure you two go to bed, you won't go at all. C'mon, let's go”, Ned replied and smiled when both of the girls made a face at him.

 

\--

 

Jon was at the stables, still quietly talking to Robb. They seemed to be arguing, but Catelyn couldn't be sure. She cleared her throat in an attempt to make the boys notice her. Both turned to look at her, and Catelyn could see Robb was still angry at her.

 

”Mother”, he said calmly.

 

”Robb. Why don't you go inside, I wish to have a word with Jon”, Catelyn said. 

 

Jon looked at her suspiciously.

 

”Why? Do you want him to disappear?” Robb asked.

 

”No. Robb, go inside”, Catelyn replied sternly.

 

”Do as she says. I can handle this”, Jon said quietly. His hand brushed over Robb's, a quick touch, but Catelyn noticed. Robb went, but reluctantly. Catelyn and Jon were left alone to the stables. Grey Wind had accompanied Robb, but Ghost was still there.

 

”What do you wish to say to me?” Jon asked after a moment of awkward silence.

 

”I wish to apologize that I have treated you the way I have”, Catelyn said, facing Jon and looking straight into his eyes. Stranger's eyes. They would always be stranger's eyes. Jon would always be a bastard.

 

”Why?” Jon asked. His tone was colder than Catelyn had expected, and it surprised her. She hadn't assumed Jon would accept her apology right away, but she hadn't expected this.

 

”Because... Jon. You'll always be Ned's bastard to me, and I'll never love you the way I love my children. But will you give the chance to try? I'll try to love you like my own. There doesn't need to be hatred between us”, she explained. Jon clenched his hands to fists.

 

”I never hated you. I was a child, I hadn't known any other mother than you, and you rejected me. Over and over again. The only hatred between us is your hatred towards me. I do not hate you, Lady Catelyn, but you are not my mother, and I will never call you that”, he said, lowering his eyes to the ground.

 

”I am so sorry, Jon, I didn't want to hurt you”, Catelyn said. 

 

This hadn't gone the way she had expected. Jon seemed to be struggling with something. Finally he looked at Catelyn again, brown eyes filled with tears, Catelyn still couldn't see anyone but a stranger.

 

”Lord Eddard is not my father. He is an honorable man, Lady Stark. You of all should know that”, Jon said. 

 

With that, he bowed his head and pushed past Catelyn, walking towards the castle, leaving Catelyn dumbfounded.

 

\--

 

Jon walked to Ned, Ghost on his heels.

 

”Where may I sleep? I don't believe sharing a room with Robb under these circumstances would be the best”, he asked. He was oddly cold and distant.

 

”There's a room prepared for you, the room next to Robb's”, Ned replied.

 

”Thank you”, Jon said and turned to leave. Ned didn't stop him. If Jon wanted to talk about what Catelyn had said, he would start the conversation. Jon walked away with fast steps and Ghost went with him. When Ned couldn't even hear the echoes of their footsteps anymore, Catelyn walked in. She looked somehow absentminded.

 

”Did you speak with him?” Ned asked. Catelyn nodded.

 

”He said you're not his father. What was he talking about?” she asked, looking at Ned for answers. 

 

She wanted to know, and this time she would. All the other times when talking about Jon's parentage Ned had shut down and refused to answer. Now Ned ran a hand through his hair and faced Catelyn.

 

”You met Lyanna, my sister, didn't you?” Ned asked. When Catelyn nodded, he continued: ”Lyanna... She was the most beautiful woman the North had ever seen, and Robert noticed that. She didn't see the wold in her eyes. She was a Stark, in the end. Her eyes... They were brown.Her hair was black and curly. Her skin was pale and her lips were red. She was older than me, and better than me at riding and she was better with the bow. And Lyanna was better than Benjen with the sword.”

 

Ned paused to look at Catelyn, who had gone pale.

 

”The bastard... All these years, you let me believe you had slept with another woman. Why? Ned. Why did you do that? Why couldn't you tell me truth from the beginning? None of this would've happened!” she said.

 

”It's not like that, Cat. I promised Lyanna”, Ned said. He looked tired, more tired than he'd looked in a while. Catelyn took his hands into hers and kissed him.

 

”You are my husband, I am your wife. You could've told me. You could've trusted me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an update I was gonna do earlier but totally forgot... So um. This *will* continue, eventually, but I'm doing other stuff and things and don't really have time to write all that much. And then I have a lot of ideas, so I write a lot of stuff at one time. Y'know... Haven't really been reading ASOIAF lately. So, this will continue, but not quite yet, not now.


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About childish dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After numerous empty promises and countless apologies, guess what? I'm back. Finally. Yay me.
> 
> Unbeta'ed, so if you notice any mistakes, please feel free to point them out and I'll fix it.

Robb was restless. He sat on the edge of his bed, _their_ bed and wondered for what felt like the thousandth time if he should go look for Jon. How long could a chat with Catelyn take? What were they talking about? And why did Jon insist that Robb leaves? It didn’t sound like him. Then again, running away wasn’t like him either but he had still done it. Robb sighed in frustration and threw himself backwards on the bed, covering his face with his hands. He couldn’t believe things had gone so utterly wrong. At this point, he was too tired to even remember what had started the whole mess. He just wanted things to go back to normal, he didn’t want to think about a stupid arranged marriage. Sansa wanted to be a high lady, couldn’t she stay and rule Winterfell?

“What do you think, Grey Wind? Should I go find Jon and run away with him?” he asked, sitting up to see his wolf. It only tilted its head a bit to the side and Robb rolled his eyes.

“Alright, help me find Jon. He can’t be far away”, he said. Grey Wind obediently followed him out of the room and to the cold and empty corridor. A few candles were lit here and there, like every night, but most people had already retreated to their bedrooms. Unlike Jon.

Robb’s intention had been to go look for Jon outside, from the stables, but Grey Wind whined low and lead Robb to a bedroom that no one used. The wolf sat down by the door and when Robb called for it to carry on, it didn’t move a muscle, only stared at the door like it could open it with its mind.

“You’re useless, why would Jon be there?” Robb asked, finally giving in. Grey Wind jumped against the door, front paws at the same level with Robb’s head and if he didn’t know the wold obeyed him, Robb would have been slightly terrified. When something hit the other side of the door, Robb jumped a little. Not that he’d ever admit it to anyone.

“Ghost, down!”

The voice was muffled by the door but there weren’t many options as to whose it was. Robb’s mouth hanged open for a while. Why was Jon here and not in their room?

“Jon? Please open the door, it’s me”, Robb said, taking Grey Wind’s place by the door. His words echoed in the empty corridor but no one replies. He tried the handle but unsurprisingly, the door was locked.

“Go back to bed, Robb, we can talk in the morning”, Jon replied after an eternity. Robb frowned.

“No, Jon… I don’t want to talk right now, I just want to be with you. So please open the door”, he said. He took half a step back, almost tripping over Grey Wind who had been sitting behind him, as if to make sure he didn’t leave. Robb mumbled an apology and pet the wolf’s head before turning back to stare at the door. If he stared intensly enough, would it open up?

As it turned out, Robb only needed to wait for a moment before he heard the lock open. The door opened slowly. The first thing that greeted Robb was Ghost, briefly bumping against his leg and then circling around him to greet Grey Wind. With a small smile on his lips, Robb turned to the door. Jon was watching the wolves but it didn’t take long before his eyes wandered to Robb, tracing his features like they hadn’t seen each other in a long time.

“Don’t ever run away again”, Robb said, taking a few steps closer to Jon. He tried his best to sound menacing, to look intimidating but Jon still smiled. His lips curled upwards but the joy didn’t reach his eyes. He let his smile fall and stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Robb and burying his face against Robb’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent and letting his body relax in the familiar touch. Robb pulled back from the hug way too soon for Jon’s liking. He forced Jon to look up and without a word, leaned down to kiss him.

“But what if someone sees us?” Jon asked, words slurring together as he didn’t pull back from the kiss entirely.

“I don’t care”, Robb replied, pinning Jon against the doorframe and gently biting on his lower lip. Jon turned his head to the side, squeezing his eyes shut and biting on his own lip almost hard enough to draw blood. His hands had been on Robb’s sides but now he let go, bringing his hands to his sides. He didn’t physically push Robb away but it would’ve taken an idiot to not notice he was rejecting Robb.

“Save that for Alys Karstark”, Jon said, surprised when his voice didn’t break. Robb took a step back.

“I thought we were past that, I don’t want to marry Alys Karstark. I’ll do anything that I can to not marry her”, he said but they both knew there was nothing he could do. The unsaid words hung heavy in the air. Even the wolves stopped playing around but they didn’t leave each other’s side. Robb sighed.

“Jon, please… It’s been a long day. Just come back to bed with me and… And we’ll sort things out tomorrow”, he pleaded. It was a stretch of a promise, and they both knew it. A situation like this wouldn’t be so easily sorted out, even if they had had all the time in the world. But they didn’t, Robb was already sixteen and people were starting to question him not being married yet.

Jon finally faced Robb again and slowly nodded.

“Alright, but just for tonight… We’ll sort things out tomorrow.”

Robb nodded. Jon let him take his hand and lead him back to their room, Grey Wind and Ghost at their heels. Robb made sure to close and lock the door properly before he turned back to Jon who was already undressing his robes. He spared a quick glance to the wolves curled up by the fireplace and carefully called out his half-brother’s name. Jon turned to him, a question ready on his lips but the words faded into thin air as Robb kissed him again, this time gentle and soft. It was the briefest touch of lips on lips but it was familiar and it was safe. Jon didn’t turn away.

They undressed in silence and Jon was the first to take his place on the bed, backing up against the wall because Robb was the one who got colder more easily. Robb joined him, pulling the blankets over them. They moved around until they were facing each other and their legs settled into a comfortable position. Robb brushed his thumb over Jon’s cheek, earning him a small smile. He moved a little closer to place soft butterfly kisses on Robb’s neck and jawline, moving to capture his lips in a smooth, slow kiss. Like this, it was easy. It was easy to forget about tomorrow, it was easy to believe this was the only reality and that nothing could touch them. It was easy to believe that in that moment, they were immortal.

“Would you run away with me if we could?” Robb asked.

“Yes. Wasn’t that our dream once? To run away together and live happily ever after like the princes and princesses in Sansa’s stories?” Jon asked back, a smile dancing on his face. They had dreamed about it countless times back when they were kids and they had nothing to worry about, except maybe missing practice and getting scolded by Benjen and Jory. But that wasn’t a big concern, Benjen never let Jory be too harsh on the boys and they always had fun together. Back then, Jon had dared to believe he and Robb could be happy like Benjen and Jory. Back then, he had been a naïve child.

Now, he knew better but he still wasn’t smart enough to let go of their childish dreams. He had tried, tried forgetting and tried running away but he always ended up back in Robb’s arms, heart melting at the smile and maybe it was better like this, with Robb.

Robb slapped Jon’s cheek softly to pull him back to reality. Jon pretended to be offended.

“I love you”, he said after a while, the words falling from his lips easily.

“I love you too.”

There was no hesitation in the response. This was easy. Waking up to reality wouldn’t be, but that was tomorrow’s concern and in that moment, tomorrow was a distant threat, nothing to worry about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, this was kinda short and didn't necessarily add much to the plot but I needed to fix things before I proceed and I'll be back in about a week or so. I promise I won't abandon this ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter will be up soon, I hope. Maybe next week? Please, do leave a comment and/or kudos if you think this is worth it and it will make me very happy.


End file.
